Gettin Back to It - Beware it's a LONG post!

I've been away for awhile I know but I am finally feeling like I can begin doing a few things again.  I have never really lost anyone so close to me before and the urge to shut myself off from the world was a very real one.  Thanks to 2 very serious (and scary) bouts of depression in my life I know I could so easily have done just that so I was fighting a very real battle.  I have also never felt 'panick' stricken at the thought of losing anyone else close like my husband or my family and have needed them around me to get through this.  It has taken some time to deal with all these emotions and experiences but I am working through to daylight.

I do know that I believe I've turned a corner and now feels okay, not brilliant but getting better.  It's been tough dealing with things like no more emails from mom or any other kind of contact.  She was also our link to family stateside so I had been fighting a real sense of 'dis-connection' too.  I knew mom followed my blog because she used to comment ( I will miss those) but until we went back home and I found a HUGE binder full of my blog printed out and carefully saved 'page for page' I didn't realise just how much!   Mom would want this to go on and in the long run so do I thankfully.  For a while there I thought I would never want to blog again.  Sandy & Linda if you're out there - hi :-)

Mom was a crafter herself and she would be sad to think that I didn't want to craft anymore.  While we were home I found many of my own hand crafted items that I had sent her over the years and that she had so lovingly kept.  I also found a few crafting photos on my computer that I will share real quick.

This is mom and I taking a class together several years ago on one of our trips back home.  This was something we always said we would do but it took a few years to bring about cos there never seemed to be space on a class at the same time as our visit.  Aaarrgghhhhh! - do you know how frustrating that was!

And this (below) is one with my daughter Jessica (left), Mom, my sisters Gillian and Sherilee to the right of the photo and I think even my sister Theresa took this class as well.  I was the tutor for this session so I not only took classes with mom, I taught mom in my classes as well.  She shared my passion for crafting.  In over 20 years of battling leukaemia she never stopped enjoying the things life had to offer her.

Well after several phone calls with friends and family and making myself get out and about on my own again (this is sometimes hard for me - scars from depression etc.) I decided yesterday to just take a look at some craft supplies I had purchased a while ago but not had the heart to do anything with.

As I started to look through them I began layering up a few things and generally 'having a play' which is how my creative process usually begins.  Before I knew it I had gone up to my craft room several times for supplies (can't craft in there yet - my craft room still overwhelms me a bit right now) and I found myself giving birth to a design idea that had magically formed in my head.  As I crafted at my kitchen counter the sun shone down through the kitchen window directly onto me - all warm and cosy and I had a real sense of peace and contentment I haven't had for a while now.  I'm certain mom was watching over me as I worked.  Does that sound too weird?  Maybe but I can almost hear mom saying 'Suezie I was'!

Anyhow I created a page - well almost - it's not completely finished just yet, I have a few more touches in mind still.

I'm not sure why I decided to grab stamps and embossing powders (silver flourishes and edges) but I went with the creative flow.  It's kinda nice to do something different once in a while I guess.

I used a series of products from Craftwork Cards which provided the colour inspiration.  This series does come in other colour combos but this was the only one I had purchased.  I teamed it up with a lovely 'concorde grape' colour polka dot background and added lots of silver to mimic the silver detailing on my 'punch outs'.

Here you can see a close up shot of the upper left of the page showing some added 'bling' and below a close up of the lower right hand corner (and more bling).

Although most people would make cards with these products as they don't come in 12 x 12 I like to be different and use card making supplies for pages too.  No sense in limiting your creativity to just one thing huh?

I was pleasantly surprised to have created this page so to ensure I stay on track I rang up Amanda and booked in a few dates for classes.  I wanted to make sure I keep going forward and besides I have missed everyone.  Grieving can be a very lonely business.

For those of you who might be wondering - yes this page will be one of the classes tho' you're probably not seeing it at it's best.  It is still slightly unfinished remember!

I have also booked a class for card making or similar using some Craftwork Card products.  I was desperate to play with these after the craft workshop Amanda, Kay, Rosina and I went to this summer.  I am finally getting around to it.  They are such good quality and great value for money - no I'm not on commission - I am a crafter so I like value for money too!  Just as well as it will be in short supply for a while I think - we recently found out hubby like many in this recession is being made redundant (with no hope of redundancy pay) mid November.  

In 30 years of marriage we have been down this road a time or two before and our faith has always gotten us through.  This time will be no different but your prayers would be welcome right now.  He's a good man and not afraid of hard work so I'm sure there's a job out there he can do - whatever it is - nothing wrong with it if it's an honest days living.  he just has to find it and sooner rather than later would be good!

Anyhow may I take this opportunity to say a massive THANK YOU to those of you who have kindly kept (and continue to keep) our family in your thoughts and prayers.  And to those of you who have waited patiently for my return I can now say 'watch this space'.  To my DT gals - I hope to start getting back into circulation and back on schedule real soon - thanks for your patience with me, I've missed you.  I will be in touch :-)

Love, big HUGS and many blessings go out to you all in blogland!